Dear Magic Box,
Lord Bagwell is headed off another raucous holiday. Pants, of course, shall not be allowed.
Until the 4th.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Top 10 Reasons Wolves Make a Good Best Friend
Good Morning Magic Box!
Lord Bagwell had a sleepless night. That is right Magic Box, Lord was at it again...coming up with the top 10 reasons wolves make great life mates.
10) Their fur: So soft, let it caress your bare skin...feels good does it not?
9) Their no-shit attitude: I said it, wolves take not one ounce of guff from anyone. Just try and get up in a young pup's face with a blazened stance...Lord dares thee.
8) Tax-exmempt status: I respect a group that pays no tax and is protected by the elitest government. Wolves and the Amish. Two of my favorite groups.
7) No psoriasis: Psoriasis is gross. I'm gazing at you Ms. Kim Kardashian. Wolves don't get psoriasis. They're better than that.
6) Easy to find best friend t-shirts: What other group has such a large and diverse t-shirt pool?
5) They are not dicks: You know who is a dick, foxes.
4) If they are werewolves, they have great abs: This is a scientific fact*. Lord Bagwell respects a nice six pack...hmmm delightful
3) They stir up controversy: Those sexy wolves like the stir the pothttp://yhoo.it/rcDl3f
2) They are mutlicultural: Lord Bagwell prefers friends that appear to be pan-ethinic. Look at those wolves, with all their different colored fur. You tell me who doth have more diversity
and the number one reason that wolves make good best friends....
1) Nothing sexier than a wolf pack
* Scientific texts include the Twilight book series
Lord Bagwell had a sleepless night. That is right Magic Box, Lord was at it again...coming up with the top 10 reasons wolves make great life mates.
10) Their fur: So soft, let it caress your bare skin...feels good does it not?
9) Their no-shit attitude: I said it, wolves take not one ounce of guff from anyone. Just try and get up in a young pup's face with a blazened stance...Lord dares thee.
8) Tax-exmempt status: I respect a group that pays no tax and is protected by the elitest government. Wolves and the Amish. Two of my favorite groups.
7) No psoriasis: Psoriasis is gross. I'm gazing at you Ms. Kim Kardashian. Wolves don't get psoriasis. They're better than that.
6) Easy to find best friend t-shirts: What other group has such a large and diverse t-shirt pool?
5) They are not dicks: You know who is a dick, foxes.
4) If they are werewolves, they have great abs: This is a scientific fact*. Lord Bagwell respects a nice six pack...hmmm delightful
3) They stir up controversy: Those sexy wolves like the stir the pothttp://yhoo.it/rcDl3f
2) They are mutlicultural: Lord Bagwell prefers friends that appear to be pan-ethinic. Look at those wolves, with all their different colored fur. You tell me who doth have more diversity
and the number one reason that wolves make good best friends....
1) Nothing sexier than a wolf pack
* Scientific texts include the Twilight book series
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
So sorry Magic Box
Magic Box! I've missed you so. I apologize for my absence but I was off on the high seas as Lord Bagwell is known to do.
Whilst boating, I was most fortunate to come upon our dear friend the Duchess de Porterier. You recall the Duchess, Magic Box. She is of course heir to the fantastic de Porterier Port-A-Pottie fortune.
Well Magic Box, this encounter was most fortunate, for the Duchess and I engaged in a most heated conversation on things most pertinent. However, to begin I should relay a letter I received from an adoring fan:
"Dearest Lord Bagwell,
I find that I am plagued by a pox. I believe this pox to be of chicken in origin, but alas it has consumed my entire body. What should I do!
Sincerely,
Scratching in Scranton"
Well Scratching, you have come to the right place. In my younger days I served as her Majesty's lead apothecary and have many remedies at hand.
First, encourage loved ones to coat their bodies in oatmeal and rub against you. Oatmeal will sooth your scratches and body friction is known to kill bacterias.
Second, dip any and all private parts into the oatmeal batter. Poxes often like to hide in pockets such as vaginas. Don't let those tricky poxes get the best of you. As the Duchess would say, "Mama has a scratch, so put your oatmeal penis in me". Always a class act that Duchess.
Finally, if you still find yourself in an uncomfortable state. Throw yourself into your chocolate river. Chocolate is known to quell uncomfort. If the FDA has seized your chocolate river, I am sorry. They have no place in regulating chocolate rivers.
Well Magic Box, I am off. The Duchess's death metal trio, Vaginal Shingles, is performing this evening and I must dust off my finest wigs.
Whilst boating, I was most fortunate to come upon our dear friend the Duchess de Porterier. You recall the Duchess, Magic Box. She is of course heir to the fantastic de Porterier Port-A-Pottie fortune.
Well Magic Box, this encounter was most fortunate, for the Duchess and I engaged in a most heated conversation on things most pertinent. However, to begin I should relay a letter I received from an adoring fan:
"Dearest Lord Bagwell,
I find that I am plagued by a pox. I believe this pox to be of chicken in origin, but alas it has consumed my entire body. What should I do!
Sincerely,
Scratching in Scranton"
Well Scratching, you have come to the right place. In my younger days I served as her Majesty's lead apothecary and have many remedies at hand.
First, encourage loved ones to coat their bodies in oatmeal and rub against you. Oatmeal will sooth your scratches and body friction is known to kill bacterias.
Second, dip any and all private parts into the oatmeal batter. Poxes often like to hide in pockets such as vaginas. Don't let those tricky poxes get the best of you. As the Duchess would say, "Mama has a scratch, so put your oatmeal penis in me". Always a class act that Duchess.
Finally, if you still find yourself in an uncomfortable state. Throw yourself into your chocolate river. Chocolate is known to quell uncomfort. If the FDA has seized your chocolate river, I am sorry. They have no place in regulating chocolate rivers.
Well Magic Box, I am off. The Duchess's death metal trio, Vaginal Shingles, is performing this evening and I must dust off my finest wigs.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Finally!
Dearest Magic Box,
I am ever so sorry for my prolonged absence...ever so.
I was naturally celebrating the release of my dear friend DMX from the prison. I still remember the first time I met DMX after he found my profile on blackmeetpeople.com (one of the very successful websites run by Danielle Staub from the Real Housewives of New Jersey)
After a raucous tickling party and spindle session, we put the lambs to bed and partied with our dogs. There is not any party like a dog party, because my friends dog parties shall not stop nay ever.....nay
I am ever so sorry for my prolonged absence...ever so.
I was naturally celebrating the release of my dear friend DMX from the prison. I still remember the first time I met DMX after he found my profile on blackmeetpeople.com (one of the very successful websites run by Danielle Staub from the Real Housewives of New Jersey)
After a raucous tickling party and spindle session, we put the lambs to bed and partied with our dogs. There is not any party like a dog party, because my friends dog parties shall not stop nay ever.....nay
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Births and Days
What a glorious day magic box! Not only was an amazing baby born this week to Lord and Lady Hasseler (praise be to the minx gods) but none other than Countess De Murphee will be celebrating her birthday this weekend.
Who are these people? you may be asking magic box. If you are asking that I have lost all respect for you. These people are known throughout the land for the firm but just rules.
On a side note, nothing says birthday like a swimming pool filled with caramel sauce milled by the monks de Montparnasse. Clothing is, as always, optional.
Who are these people? you may be asking magic box. If you are asking that I have lost all respect for you. These people are known throughout the land for the firm but just rules.
On a side note, nothing says birthday like a swimming pool filled with caramel sauce milled by the monks de Montparnasse. Clothing is, as always, optional.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Smugglin
Lord Bagwell was in quite a state this morning.
While enjoying his morning 8 ball, imagine Lord's surprise when looking at the important news of the day he saw that his close personal friend DMX would have to stay in prison longer because he was caught smuggling in drugs.
http://bit.ly/rhzsQw
He was supposed to be en route to a fabulous welcome home party today one of my lovely estates. Instead, he will be in lockdown for another week...
Well there goes my cake.
What is the lesson of the day then Lords and Ladys? Don't buy a $5,00 cake in the shape of DMX's head for his release party when the man can't even manage to smuggle his drugs in a respectful manner.
so long magic box
While enjoying his morning 8 ball, imagine Lord's surprise when looking at the important news of the day he saw that his close personal friend DMX would have to stay in prison longer because he was caught smuggling in drugs.
http://bit.ly/rhzsQw
He was supposed to be en route to a fabulous welcome home party today one of my lovely estates. Instead, he will be in lockdown for another week...
Well there goes my cake.
What is the lesson of the day then Lords and Ladys? Don't buy a $5,00 cake in the shape of DMX's head for his release party when the man can't even manage to smuggle his drugs in a respectful manner.
so long magic box
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Sax Solos
Yesterday, Lord Bagwell was feasting on sweat meats and mulled wine while watching reruns of Torchwood and after choking on a small cornish game hen wing realized. What this world needs more saxaphone solos in songs.
Sax solos are one of the sexiest things out there, followed closely by goose feather headresses.
Just check out this video for a taste of the sexy: http://youtu.be/olT8RZtfrzQ
Luckily sax solos are back so Lord Bagwell can once again enjoy some smooth sax sexiness while listening to the new Katy Perry record.
Sax solos are one of the sexiest things out there, followed closely by goose feather headresses.
Just check out this video for a taste of the sexy: http://youtu.be/olT8RZtfrzQ
Luckily sax solos are back so Lord Bagwell can once again enjoy some smooth sax sexiness while listening to the new Katy Perry record.
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