So sorry Magic Box

Magic Box! I've missed you so. I apologize for my absence but I was off on the high seas as Lord Bagwell is known to do.

Whilst boating, I was most fortunate to come upon our dear friend the Duchess de Porterier. You recall the Duchess, Magic Box. She is of course heir to the fantastic de Porterier Port-A-Pottie fortune.

Well Magic Box, this encounter was most fortunate, for the Duchess and I engaged in a most heated conversation on things most pertinent. However, to begin I should relay a letter I received from an adoring fan:

"Dearest Lord Bagwell,
I find that I am plagued by a pox. I believe this pox to be of chicken in origin, but alas it has consumed my entire body. What should I do!
Sincerely,
Scratching in Scranton"

Well Scratching, you have come to the right place. In my younger days I served as her Majesty's lead apothecary and have many remedies at hand.

First, encourage loved ones to coat their bodies in oatmeal and rub against you. Oatmeal will sooth your scratches and body friction is known to kill bacterias.

Second, dip any and all private parts into the oatmeal batter. Poxes often like to hide in pockets such as vaginas. Don't let those tricky poxes get the best of you. As the Duchess would say, "Mama has a scratch, so put your oatmeal penis in me". Always a class act that Duchess.

Finally, if you still find yourself in an uncomfortable state. Throw yourself into your chocolate river. Chocolate is known to quell uncomfort. If the FDA has seized your chocolate river, I am sorry. They have no place in regulating chocolate rivers.

Well Magic Box, I am off. The Duchess's death metal trio, Vaginal Shingles, is performing this evening and I must dust off my finest wigs.